Changes

Holy tits, it has been close to a year since I've since written words here. And man, o man how much has changed.

All I want to say is that I like who I am. There. I said it. Honestly, I can't remember the last time I said those words, or if I ever said them at all. The last time I felt real confidence in myself was likely middle of high school. I can't believe it. I cannot believe I can say those words with a smile.

How wonderful is this life? :)
Pretty damn amazing, I'd say.

14 again.

It's happening again, but this time I know I have the power and the knowledge to change things, to make sure the results don't end her in the hospital. But I'm afraid. I'm not a registered nurse or have much knowledge of mental disorders, but I've seen the damage it can do, and I'm fucking terrified. I don't want to go through that terror all over again, the hushes, the paranoia, the police men and the ambulance. No, not again. 

I have plans, multiple plans, anything, and if worse comes to worst I'll drop out of school. I won't send her back to that dark place, to the metal walls and solitude that she doesn't need. 

I don't know. I'm scared, I'm so fucking scared.

Two years forward.

I have no idea what to do with myself. Clean, clean, clean. I look at my pencils, and tell myself to draw, practice proportions and create, but I don't think I contain that ability anymore. At least not at this moment. My mouth keeps opening and then closing, eating for hours and then nothing at all for days. I've matured two years, but I can't confidently say it was worth it.

I kissed Mark for the very last time this morning.

nationalism?

Today a coworker was relaying to me a tale of a soldier she had met who was placed on display during the Calgary Stampede. This soldier's mission as a trophy display was, of course, to round up potential troops for the Canadian forces. There is quite a story behind this as to how the pair became engaged in conversation, but that is not my focus at the moment. What I would like to address is the soldier's blatant arrogance as well as ignorance towards his own reasons behind joining the army. from the side of the story that I had heard, this man boasted to my coworker of what a 'hero' he [was] for going to Afghanistan, and for 'protecting' his country. I am foolish and naive and would like to believe that the human race doesn't actually contain idiots such as this soldier, or at the very least that maybe I should hear both sides of the story prior to becoming enraged and judging this man, buuuuut that is not happening.

I do understand the need to protect people that you love and care about, and of course innocent people as well, but blunt nationalism has never sided well with me. I do not understand nationalistic people. I don't. Perhaps that makes me ignorant, but I simply do not understand what it means to be so proud of the country you reside in. Or the fact that your nationalism is what leads a human to fight in a war that murders innocent people that is not from your own country, because that is also okay right? Uggghhh. I think I may be comiting a logical fallacy here.

I don't know. I just really needed to vent. I hate everything, and people who think it's heroic to be in a war that has absolutely no meaning. This soldier's response when my coworker began to argue with him about his heroic duty was to childishly tell her off with a 'you don't understand, you don't know what we do out there' No, you are right we don't so then please enlighten us. I'm just so pissed. What do we really know? How accurate is the media that flashes and scars our retinas, trying to enable us to understand the current world around us? How do we know who to trust when our government doesn't even seem all that reliable? Why am I only being awakened to this?!

Nationalism. Fine, it has it's place, I love my home, I love the freedom and welfare that I have, but the car I own has a Canada flag bumper sticker from the previous owner, and every time I look at it I would very much like to gag. I am not a patriotic person, I will assist my home in ways that I deem necessary. Going to war to prove my loyalty is not that way.

fuck everything.

Wonder Woman

I am currently in the midst of exploring the world wide web in search of anything related to body image and how it is currently being represented in the super hero genre of comics. Through this random exploration I found this quote by William Marston, the original creator of Wonder Woman, in regards to why WW began:

"America's woman of tomorrow should be made the hero of a new type of comic strip. By this, I mean a character with all the allure of an attractive woman, but with the strength also of a powerful man. There isn't enough love in the male organism to run this planet peacefully. What women presently lack is the dominance or self-assertive power to put over and enforce her love diaries. I have given Wonder Woman this dominant force, but kept her loving. It is my hope to make this strip as appealing to adults as it has proved to kids.”

Wonder Woman was originally released to world in All-Star Comics #8, issued in 1941.

I suppose that might explain why Marston had that view about woman, but it still makes me want to slap him with my own gold wrist bands.

All I can say is what the fuck

Feminist / Misandrist

This perfectly explains the comment below.

Okay, well not perfectly. (Need to learn to explain myself!!)

The comment that states that chivalry died when women got rights is ignorant, plain and simple. As defined in dictionary.com, chivalry is defined as a gallant warrior or a gentleman. A gentleman is defined as a man who is educated, civilized, and well-mannered. A man performing a chivalrous act is in no way attempting to demean a woman and her rights of equality, it is simply a gesture of kindness.

Although, this is sometimes not the case. I, myself have definitely experienced 'chivalrous' acts where the intent was to prove superiority. It's unfortunate really.

My honest belief is that the simple act of a man holding a door for you is a kind gesture. Chivalry is the simple act of respect and kindness, except more definitive for men. It's unfortunate when men take this to an extreme where they believe that they need to act this way in order to prove that they are 'men'. What's even more unfortunate is that society needed to provide a label for men to act upon.

Chivalry isn't dead, and it most certainly isn't because women got fucking rights. Yes, I understand that there are situations where this case is not applicable, but to make a statement in order to be humorous is more ignorant than anything.

That is my two cents, but I am most certainly open to debate. What better way to broaden the mind then to have someone (respectfully) decline your opinion with intelligent evidence as why they believe so?

Bring it on post-secondary.